Calling all big brothers

I have ALWAYS wanted a big brother my whole life.

Why?

1) helps keep creepers away

2) usually brings along cute friends with him

3) is there and has the best advice/insight when you have boy problems

4) protects you when life gets rough

5) I need someone to help me be strong, you can only do it for so long by yourself

6) someone that shows you life and shows you the ropes

7) I always wanted a big brother to play ball against and the little sister he shows off to his friends because I'm the coolest

So because I don't have the rights or funds to adopt a big brother

I have taken the liberty of sending out a casting call.

The candidates:

Rajon Rondo.

Occupation: NBA

Only 4 years older than me

#2:

Brandon Roy

Occupation: retired NBA

only 6 years older than me

#3:

Eric Weddle

Occupation: NFL

only 5 years older than me

Yup.

Any one of those three I would be in heaven.

I need a big brother.