.Mar.: A Mid-life crisis at 22

My mid-life crisis doesn't involve buying a new red convertible dying my hair, etc. Mine is more of a reflection on where I am in life, where I've been, and where I'm going.

A conference talk that hit me hard back in October was Of Regrets and Resolutions by President Uchtdorf. It talked about having different regrets when looking back on life such as spending more time with the people we love, living up to our potential, and just being happier. I love this because it just hits home so hard and is something I can relate so closely.

I wish I could go back and tell that 12 year old Marlisa a few things.

I would tell her that she needs to have confidence. Without it she won't go as far as she would like in sports and even life. There will be people that take advantage of it and she needs to stand up. I would tell her it's ok to be a quiet confident.

I would tell her to start doing push ups...she has very weak arms.

I would tell her to work harder at her dreams but to even DREAM BIGGER. There isn't anyone to push her to do so and to show her all of her options, she needs to stand and take initiative and think bigger.

Ok so what I'm really saying on that last one is that I regret not doing all the things I wanted to while I had the chance. Out of high school I got two good jobs, started school, and worked my butt off. I paid for my car, phone, insurance and even saved up enough to move out the next year.

I was doing a lot better than a lot of people my age were financially..not in the way of amount but in the way of I was financially independent and somewhat stable. (I was still dirt poor)

And although I'm still proud of myself for doing so all these years and being able to do the things I have I missed out. I didn't take high school or the first few years of college seriously...grades show for it. I really think I could've had a scholarship.

I didn't get to experience living out and the true college experience until last summer. I also didn't get to experience the dream of doing study/service abroad. I really wanted to teach English in China but that never happened because of having a stable job and not enough money.

There is a much easier way to get through college and I wish someone had showed me that.

On the other hand, I am realizing this while I'm still young. I still have time to do these things. Granted, it will be harder to leave a job that is so good and stable but I've learned something...

On my obituary I don't want it to say, "She was financially stable". I want it to show all the places I've been, people I've met, and things I've learned along the way. I want to touch people's lives and experience life beyond myself. I have such a hunger for learning.

I would rather wear D.I. clothes and be able to travel than to be living large in my own little corner of the world. Priorities are in line.

It's funny because even though I would change things if I could go back, I guess you could call these regrets, I have to second guess that because if those things were changed would I be where I am today?